TRAINING SESSION – SELF-MANAGEMENT FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – WHAT DOES SELF-MANAGEMENT LOOK LIKE?

In this part of the session, the participants will explore what self-management looks like (and what it does not look like). To do this the participants will look at two demonstrations to identify what is and is not self-management behaviour.

Tell them that:

  • A good question to ask and answer is, what does self-management look like?
  • There are lots of examples of self-management we can look at but for our purpose in this session, we will observe two demonstrations to see what is or is not self-management.

Let them know that you and a willing volunteer are going to demonstrate a conversation while the rest of them observe the conversation.

After each demonstration, the observers will discuss what they observed to identify the presence or absence of self-management behaviour.

To start, ask for a volunteer to demonstrate the conversation with you. The first conversation you are going to demonstrate is in the part of their workbook titled – THE DYSFUNCTIONAL 1:1.

WORKBOOK – THE DYSFUNCTIONAL 1:1

After you’ve got a volunteer for a demonstration, tell them that, apart from the volunteer the rest of the participants will observe the demonstration. And after the demonstration they will be put into pairs for 5-minutes to discuss and answer the questions in the part of their workbooks titled – REFLECTING ON THE FIRST DEMONSTRATION.

WORKBOOK – REFLECTING ON THE FIRST DEMONSTRATION

Do the demonstration, with you (facilitator) acting as Larry and the volunteer acting as Sophia. Each of you will read your respective lines from the script while the other participants observe.

After that, use the ‘breakout rooms’ feature to put the observers into pairs (you may put the participant who volunteered into one of the pairs too) and give them 5-minutes for the activity in the part of their workbook titled – REFLECTING ON THE FIRST DEMONSTRATION.

After 5-minutes, stop them and bring everyone back to the main room.

Ask each pair for a quick summary of their discussions which covers the four questions and listen to them.

The conclusion should be that Larry did not demonstrate self-management behaviour. During the conversation, he became angry and upset and those emotions caused him to behave in an impulsive way by using negative language such as ‘you are becoming defensive’ and ‘you are not listening…’.

Let them know that you are going to repeat the exact same exercise again with a second conversation between Larry and Sophia which is in the part of their workbook titled – LARRY TRIES AGAIN.

Again, do the demonstration with you the facilitator acting as Larry and the volunteer acting as Sophia and let the rest of the participants observe the demonstration.

After the demonstration just as you did previously, put them into pairs for 5-minutes to discuss and answer the questions in the part of their workbooks titled – REFLECTING ON THE SECOND DEMONSTRATION.

WORKBOOK – REFLECTING ON THE SECOND DEMONSTRATION

Use the ‘breakout rooms’ feature to put them into pairs and give them 5-minutes for the activity.

Ask each pair for a quick summary of their discussions which covers the four questions and listen to them.

Thank them for doing the activity and tell them that:

  • While Larry behaved differently in the second demonstration, the self-management skills he demonstrated which resulted in him behaving differently were not obvious.
  • What if we could actually hear Larry tell us about what he was doing while speaking to Sophia.
  • Let’s imagine that Larry gave feedback about his conversation with Sophia to the person who introduced him to emotional intelligence, what would Larry have told him?
  • Let’s read what Larry said.

Direct each of them to the section in their workbooks titled – FEEDING BACK TO BRIAN.

WORKBOOK – FEEDING BACK TO BRIAN

Give them up to 5-minutes to read the information there and afterwards tell them to write in the chat window the actions they feel Larry took to demonstrate self-management.

As they write their actions in the chat window, read through them quietly so you don’t distract them.

After 3-minutes stop them and read out all their actions so everyone can see. Then tell them that what Larry did is part of six simple actions that we can all take to improve our self-management for emotional intelligence and you are going to share those actions with them now.

In the next part of the session the participants will explore the six actions.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-MANAGEMENT FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – REVIEWING SELF-MANAGEMENT

In this part of the session, the participants will review what self-management is by a reading and summarising activity. Let them know that before you start looking at actions they can take to develop their self-management skills, they will review what self-management is. To do this direct everyone to the part of their workbooks titled – REVIEWING SELF-MANAGEMENT

WORKBOOK – REVIEWING SELF-MANAGEMENT

Tell each of them to read the information there. That should take them about 3-minutes. After 3-minutes, stop them and let each person write a summary of what they read in the chat window. Give them another 3-minutes to do that.

Then let them know that you now want to move on to answer the question, what does self-management look like?

In the next part of the session, you will explore what self-management looks like.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-MANAGEMENT FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – INTRODUCTION

INTRODUCE THE SESSION

Introduce the session by sharing the learning objective with them. Display the slide titled – LEARNING OBJECTIVE.

Then tell them that:

  • Self-management is one of the four components and core behaviours of emotional intelligence.
  • It is the second personal competence together with self-awareness.
  • In this session, we are going to look at self-management in more detail.
  • First, we will briefly review what it is.
  • Then we will explore some actions that can help us develop our self-management skills.

Ask them for any questions and/or comments about what you just said. Listen to any they have and respond appropriately.

Then move on to the first part of the session which is, ‘Reviewing Self-management.’

In the next part of the session, the participants will review what self-management is. They would have discussed it in a previous session (Understanding Emotional Intelligence).

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-AWARENESS FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – REVIEW, REFLECT AND CLOSE

REVIEW, REFLECT, AND CLOSE

Display the slide titled – REVIEW.

Tell them that:

  • During this session, we reviewed what self-awareness is.
  • We also identified and explored six actions you can take to develop your own self-awareness.
  • You had the opportunity to discuss some scenarios relating to self-awareness and even did a reflective activity that allowed you to think about how to apply the six actions
  • Before we close the session, you will do one final reflective activity to help you think about what you are taking away from this session to apply in real life.

Display the slide titled – START – STOP – CONTINUE.

Direct them to the part of their workbooks titled – START – STOP – CONTINUE. Give them 6-minutes to read the information there and do the reflective activity.

WORKBOOK: START – STOP – CONTINUE

When the time is up, stop them and get everyone’s attention. Thank them for taking the time to do the reflective activity. Ask each participant to share at least one thing from their reflection

Listen to them without commenting or asking any questions.

After that, thank them for their participation and close the session.

This is the end of the session.

A MINI-MANAGEMENT STORY ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – THE DYSFUNCTIONAL 1:1

“So, Sophia, what do you want to discuss today?” Larry was in his fortnightly 1:1 meeting with Sophia who had recently joined his team. Sophia had become part of his team when his company, XL Care and Support won a couple of tenders from the NHS and two local authorities to take over 20 mid-sized supported-living schemes to support people with mental health support needs.

Winning those tenders added almost 350 people to XL’s headcount taking their staff numbers to over 700. It also added two new team members to Larry’s team. Sophia, who is the Qualification and Apprenticeship Manager and Janet, a Learning and Development Administrator. Previously, Larry had three people on his team. Mo and Brenda are Learning and Development Advisers and Shelly is also a Learning and Development Administrator.

“I don’t have anything to talk about Larry. You booked the 1:1 and that’s why I’m here,” replied Sophia in a confrontational way. For Larry, the meeting was already starting on a difficult foot. “Why in the world did she have to be so difficult?” Thought Larry.

Larry’s “self-talk”  was also not helping. He came into the meeting expecting it to be difficult because his mental perception of Sophia was that she is difficult, and aggressive and she does not like to be questioned.

“Sophia, It’s your 1:1 and I expect you to bring something you want to talk about in relation to your work.”

“Larry, I didn’t ask for a 1:1. If I need one, I will ask or put it in the calendar and let you know.”

Larry bit into his lower lip. He was fighting hard not to say or do something stupid. “Okay, that’s fine. If you don’t have anything to talk about I do.”

Sophia flashed Larry a sharp look before saying, “go on then.”

At that point, Larry knew this meeting wasn’t going to go well but he was not about to give up. “The things I want to talk about are, the low number of apprenticeship registrations, starting management apprenticeships for support staff, and reporting for apprenticeships. I also want to tell you about…”

Larry never got to finish his statement. Sophia did not give him the chance. Neither would he get the opportunity to talk about any of the points apart from the first one.

“Larry, I don’t understand why you want to talk to me about the low number of apprenticeship registrations. Or maybe I don’t know what you mean. Tell me more.”

Larry swallowed hard. He knew where this was going.

“Well, I wanted to check with you why the number of apprenticeship registrations over the past three months has been low. I just want to know if…”

“Larry, my job is to source and provide apprenticeship opportunities for people. What I cannot do is force people to sign up for them. I’m in control of what I do but I can’t control what staff do. If they don’t want to sign up for them that’s not my problem. I see no reason why you should be having this conversation with me. I think we should talk about something else.”

“Look, Sophia, I am not blaming you for the low amount of registrations, I just want to get your view on why you think this is happening.”

“What do you mean by my view, Larry? The answer is I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, I’m doing my job. It’s not my fault if the bulk of staff are not aspirational. If they are interested in learning, what can I do about that.”

With a tone of voice that was a bit stern, Larry said, “Sophia, I think you are being a bit defensive about this issue. I just told you I’m not blaming you for the low numbers and…”

Sophia cut him off, “how can you call me defensive? Are you saying I am avoiding my job? I really feel harassed by the way you are talking to me. This is not fair, I’m….”

Larry put his head in his hands as Sophia went on and on.

When she finished speaking, Larry looked up at her and smiled. “Look Sophia, I can see you are upset. Let’s have this meeting another time.” Then he stood up and walked out of the room leaving Sophia still sitting.

A MINI-MANAGEMENT STORY ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – INTRODUCTION

Larry is a new learning and development manager at XL Support, a health and social care company that provides services to people with mental health support needs. Recently, his team has increased from three people to five people and he is having challenges with one of the new team members. On a number of occasions, they have had conflicting conversations and Larry is finding it difficult to work with the team member.

After a disastrous one-to-one meeting, Larry thinks that the problem might not lie entirely with the team member. Maybe he needs some help too. Larry calls his friend Brian to complain. After listening to Larry, Brian says Larry needs to develop his emotional intelligence and that is what this mini-management story is about.

Throughout this story, you will read about how Larry and Brian discuss what emotional intelligence is and how to develop emotional intelligence. This is the first part of the story where they focus on one aspect of emotional intelligence, self-awareness. There are more parts to come.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-AWARENESS FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – LEROY AND THE SIX ACTIONS

Next, let them know that you want to go back to Leroy who you saw earlier. Ask them this question – how do you think Leroy may have used any of the six actions?

Tell them to put their answers in the chat window.

Give them 3-minutes to write down their answers. As they write their answers, read through them quietly, so you don’t distract them. After 3-minutes stop them and read out their answers so they can all hear. When you read out their answers make sure you acknowledge each person by name who wrote down an answer.

Tell them that you have one final case study activity for them to do which is about Abigail whom they would have met in a session on, understanding emotional intelligence.

Direct each participant to the section in their workbooks titled – ABIGAIL HAS CHANGED.

Let them know that they are going to have a group activity based on the information in that section of their workbook but first, you want each person to read the information.

Give them 5-minutes to read the information.

WORKBOOK – ABIGAIL HAS CHANGED

When they finish reading, split them into small groups (no group should have more than four people).

Tell them to do the activity in the section of their workbooks titled – HOW DID ABIGAIL DEMONSTRATE SELF-AWARENESS?

WORKBOOK – HOW DID ABIGAIL DEMONSTRATE SELF-AWARENESS?

Give them 7-minutes for the activity.

After 7-minutes stop them and bring everyone back to the main room. Thank them for doing the activity.

Let the spokesperson for each group present their answers. Listen to them without commenting or asking questions.

After that, thank them for doing the activity and ask for any comments or questions that they have.

Respond appropriately to any comments and/or questions.

Then move on to the final part of the session.

In the next part of the session, what was discussed will be reviewed and the participants will reflect on their learning and how they want to apply it.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-AWARENESS FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – SIX ACTIONS FOR DEVELOPING OUR SELF-AWARENESS

In this part of the session, the participants will explore six actions they can take to develop their self-awareness. You will first share the actions with them briefly and then allow them to read about the actions. After that, you will do some activities to see how the actions may be used in practice.

Display the slide titled – ACTIONS FOR SELF-AWARENESS.

Tell them that they will have the opportunity to read about the six actions in more detail, but you want to share them first briefly.

Click on the slide once to display some information.

  • The first action is that we should stop labeling our emotions as good or bad.

Click  on the slide again to display the second action and let them know that:

  • The second action is that we should not ignore uncomfortable feelings.

Click on the slide for the third time and tell them that:

  •  The next action is for us to keep a journal of our emotions.

Click on the slide again to display information. Say that:

  • The fourth action is to be aware of our physical reactions to our emotions.

Click on the slide again and say that:

  • The fifth action is for us to know our “people triggers”.

Click on the slide for a final time and tell them that:

  • The last action is to ask people for feedback.

Now, direct each of them to the section in their workbooks titled – SIX ACTIONS FOR SELF-AWARENESS.

WORKBOOK – SIX ACTIONS FOR SELF-AWARENESS

Give them 5-minutes to read the information.

Afterward, let them know that you are going to do a reflective activity with them to help them think about how to use the six actions for their own self-awareness.

Direct each of them to the section in their workbooks titled – REFLECTING FOR SELF-AWARENESS.

WORKBOOK – REFLECTING FOR SELF-AWARENESS

Let them know that they will need a pen and somewhere to write or they can use the space in the workbook. You will be asking them a number of questions that will require them to reflect and write down their answers.

Make sure that they are ready and let them know that you are now going to start the reflective conversation with them. Read the following information to them slowly so they can hear and think about what you are saying.

  • Think about an experience that made you feel uncomfortable and generated in you strong emotions.
  • It could be a work situation or a personal one that involved somebody else.
  • Write down that experience.
  • Next, think about the experience again. What emotions and feelings did you experience. Write down the emotions?
  • When you think about the feelings you had, the emotions you experienced. Were they good or bad emotions?
  • Write down whether you saw them as good or bad?
  • Now, let’s think about those emotions or feelings for a minute. Are they really bad or good? Or is it the experience or situation that you really think of as good or bad?
  • The emotions are neither good nor bad. They are just a reflection of how you saw the situation. A good mindset at this point is not to see your emotions and feelings as good or bad. See them as just emotions and feelings giving you information and signals about the situation you are experiencing.
  • When we label emotions and feelings as bad, we tend to avoid them and we won’t be able to recognise or understand them.
  • Let’s think about something else? Did you have any feelings or emotions that made you feel uncomfortable in the situation?
  • Think about those feelings and emotions for a minute.
  • What made them uncomfortable? Write that down.
  • Would you rather avoid feelings and emotions that make you uncomfortable?
  • If you avoid them, you will not be able to recognise them. Sitting with uncomfortable feelings and trying to understand them helps your self-awareness and gives you the foundation to manage them appropriately.
  • Think about those feelings again and think about other times you’ve had strong feelings. Can you recall how your body felt physically when you were experiencing those feelings and emotions?
  • How was your body reacting when you felt angry, sad, happy, excited, successful, upset, disappointed, and anxious.
  • Think about that and write down those physical sensations. Recognising how your body reacts when you have certain feelings means you can become aware of how you are feeling at certain points in time and in certain situations much easier.
  • Think back to this situation or other situations in which your engagement with someone resulted in strong feelings like anger, defensiveness, anxiety, frustration, and so on.
  • What precisely did the person do that made you feel that way? Was it their body language, was it their facial expression, was it the way they talked, or was it the specific words they used?
  • What were the specific trigger points that generated those emotions in you? Think about them and write them down?
  • Next, imagine you had the opportunity to reflect on your feelings and write them in a journal. What would that look like? Would your journal be a phone app or a book? When would you do it? Daily or at the end of the week or end of the month.
  • Keeping a journal of your emotions helps you see yourself more clearly and understand your tendencies in certain situations and with specific people. It also serves as a reference for you to understand more about yourself.
  • Finally, getting perspective from others about yourself is very important because our own view of ourselves is often tainted by our experiences, beliefs, and moods.
  • Others can help you see what you can’t see about yourself in a more objective.
  • Think about your circle of relationships, in and out of work. Who are you comfortable asking for honest feedback? Write that down.
  • Whoever you ask should be someone you can trust to give you honest feedback in a respectable way that does not put you down.
  • Take another 2-minutes to think about this reflection activity and how it will increase your self-awareness.

After 2-minutes thank them for doing the reflective activity and ask them for any comments and or questions. It’s not necessary for them to respond.

In the next part of the session, the participants will revisit the case of Leroy to discuss how he might have used some of the six actions.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-AWARENESS FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – WHAT DOES SELF-AWARENESS LOOK LIKE?

In this part of the session, you want to explore what self-awareness looks like (and what it does not look like). To do this, the participants will look at two scenarios and decide which scenario demonstrates self-awareness and which one doesn’t.

Tell them that:

  • We want to explore what self-awareness looks like in practice.
  • To do that you are going to explore scenarios of two managers in a similar situation.
  • Let’s explore the first scenario.

Direct them to the part of their workbook titled – TWO MANAGERS, TWO MEETINGS – JANET.

WORKBOOK – TWO MANAGERS, TWO MEETINGS – JANET

Tell each of them to read the information there. It should take them no more than 5-minutes.

After they have finished reading, let them know you are now going to split them into small groups to discuss the scenario using the questions on the next page in the section titled – SELF-AWARENESS OR NOT FOR JANET?

WORKBOOK – SELF-AWARENESS OR NOT FOR JANET?

Next, split them into small groups using the ‘breakout rooms’ feature. No group should have more than four people.

Give them 7-minutes for the discussion.

When the time is up, stop them and bring everyone back to the main room. Appreciate them for doing the group activity. Now tell them that you want to hear feedback from everyone, but you are going to get them to put their feedback on a whiteboard.

You want each of them to tell you how Janet did or did not demonstrate self-awareness.

Display a whiteboard and tell them to write down their answers (make sure they know how to use the whiteboard. You may have to show them how to use it).

Allow them to write down their answers for about 3-minutes. Also, tell them to read each other’s answers. After 3-minutes, stop them and thank them for doing the activity.

You don’t need to give them any feedback at this stage.

Ask them for any questions and/or comments and respond to any they have appropriately.

Next, let them know that they are now going to look at the second scenario and do the same with what they did to Janet’s case.

Direct each person to the section in their workbooks titled – TWO MANAGERS, TWO MEETINGS – LEROY.

After they have finished reading, let them know you are now going to split them into small groups to discuss the scenario using the questions on the next page in the section titled – SELF-AWARENESS OR NOT FOR LEROY?

WORKBOOK – SELF-AWARENESS OR NOT FOR LEROY?

Give them 7-minutes for the discussion.

When the time is up, stop them and bring everyone back to the main room. Appreciate them for doing the group activity. Now tell them that you want to hear feedback from everyone, but this time let them know that you want to hear from each of them verbally.

Ask each of them for one of their thoughts about whether Leroy demonstrated self-awareness or not and why they thought so.

Next, let them know that having looked at the difference between Janet and Leroy’s self-awareness behaviour, it’s time to look at six actions we can all take to develop our self-awareness.

But just before that direct them quickly to the section of their workbooks titled – RANGE OF FEELINGS.

WORKBOOK – RANGE OF FEELINGS

Tell them that, generally all the feelings we experience are derived from five core emotions which are, happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. Allow them to read the information for a maximum of 3-minutes before moving on to the next part of the session which is to discuss, six actions for developing self-awareness.

The next part of the training session will explore six actions for developing self-awareness.

TRAINING SESSION – SELF-AWARENESS FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – REVIEWING SELF-AWARENESS

REVIEWING SELF-AWARENESS

In this part of the session, the participants will review what self-awareness is by doing a reading and summarising activity. Let them know that before you start looking at the actions we can take to develop our self-awareness, you want them to briefly review what self-awareness is. To do this direct everyone to the part of their workbooks titled – REVIEWING SELF-AWARENESS.

WORKBOOK REVIEWING SELF-AWARENESS

Tell each of them to read the information there. That should take them about 3-minutes. After 3-minutes, let them write a summary of what they read in the chat window. Give them another 3-minutes to do that.

Read through their summaries quietly so you don’t distract them and encourage them to read through each other’s summaries too. When the time is up, stop them and thank them for doing the activity.

Then let them know that you now want to move on to answer the question, what does self-awareness look like.

The next part of the training session will answer the question – what does self-awareness look like?

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